By Jewel Brandes
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Here’s where TOXIC POSITIVITY can create what Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life, calls the “Feedback Loop From Hell”. He writes: “There’s an insidious quirk to your brain that, if you let it, can drive you absolutely batty. Tell me if this sounds familiar to you: You get anxious about confronting somebody in your life. That anxiety cripples you and you start wondering why you’re so anxious. Now you’re becoming anxious about being anxious. Oh no! Doubly anxious! Now you’re anxious about your anxiety, which is causing more anxiety.
Quick, where’s the whiskey? Or let’s say you have an anger problem. You get pissed off at the stupidest, most inane stuff, and you have no idea why. And the fact that you get pissed off so easily starts to piss you off even more. And then, in your petty rage, you realize that being angry all the time makes you a shallow and mean person, and you hate this; you hate it so much that you get angry at yourself. Now look at you: you’re angry at yourself getting angry about being angry. Fuck you, wall. Here, have a fist…. Welcome to the Feedback Loop from Hell. Chances are you’ve engaged in it more than a few times. Maybe you’re engaging in it right now: “God, I do the Feedback Loop all the time—I’m such a loser for doing it. I should stop. Oh my God, I feel like such a loser for calling myself a loser. I should stop calling myself a loser. Ah, fuck! I’m doing it again! See? I’m a loser! Argh!” – Mark Manson As a former Law of Attraction enthusiast and Love and Lighter, I have learned that I actually was living a life that harmed me more than it benefitted me. Why? Because I was under the assumption that I had to keep my vibrations at a feel-good high to attract what I truly wanted. When it lowered (naturally), it felt like I was failing. It always felt like one step forward and two steps back. I was engaging in Mark’s “Feedback Loop from Hell”.
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I had to be a good girl and BE happy to STAY happy. It’s all a mindset, right? The Law of Attraction does cover being in the present moment and the attitude of gratitude but it doesn’t, in my opinion, go nearly as far into the fact that pain and suffering are a normal and needed part of life. How EMO of me! But, it’s true! We learn and grow from our pain. To think we should always be happy goes against the natural order of being human. We would be a special kind of dumb to stub our toe and smile like the world is still rainbows and butterflies. We can tell ourselves it FELT GREAT as birdies dance around our heads and we nearly pass out from the pain we’re trying to ignore; but that just means we’re likely to do it again – walking around with busted up feet and insisting: Life. Is. Good. But is it really? And when we answer, “Not always!” – I think we should totally be ok with that! The strange part about this toxic positivity is the backward wiring we allow ourselves to undergo. Of course we want to be happy, but trying to insist that we always are is literally counterproductive. Instead of expressing, we are repressing – in fear that the negative will only bring more negative because we’re told we “attract what we send out”. Well, shit. Mark writes: “Happiness comes from solving problems.
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The keyword here is “solving.” If you’re avoiding your problems or feel like you don’t have any problems, then you’re going to make yourself miserable. If you feel like you have problems that you can’t solve, you will likewise make yourself miserable. The secret sauce is in the solving of the problems, not in not having problems in the first place… Happiness is a constant work-in-progress, because solving problems is a constant work-in-progress—the solutions to today’s problems will lay the foundation for tomorrow’s problems, and so on.
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True happiness occurs only66 when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving.” Ok, so “pick your poison”, so to speak. Choose the problems you’re most passionate about and build from them! This is probably where “vibrations” and mindset are going to do exactly as the Law of Attraction says. It’s just found a slightly different way. And it has less tendency to sweep the “negative” under the rug. In this manner, we can acknowledge difficulties that in overcoming we grow toward bigger “problems”. We increase skill and endurance. If it doesn’t serve a passionate problem? Well then, we just don’t give a fuck! I’m not passing any judgement to those who are of the Love and Light crowd or who follow the Law of Attraction. How could I? I’ve been there! I’m just offering a different perspective to consider for anyone this concept may be new to. Food for thought, if you will.
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Toxic positivity is a thing. It’s seemingly oxymoronic but maybe, just maybe – there’s something to it! I would encourage further exploration into it as well as Shadow Work. You might be surprised to find the joys that darkness and pain can lead to.
The relief of just simply not giving a fuck! Rollin’ out
https://www.facebook.com/jewelsofthemoon555